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I have just returned from jogging. It’s shocking to admit that statement. It seems it was likely many years since my last. But I found out recently that my tests indicate slightly high cholesterol, and the recommendation was to engage in vigorous activity frequently.

This is the first time in my life that the reason to be active has been my health status. During earlier years, I jogged because I wanted to slim down. I also jogged to alleviate nervousness – I was merely escaping from the worry, without confronting it. Sometimes, I exercised because I wanted to get better at running. This was the definition to me then to build an improved existence.

Jogging with altered intent currently got me thinking about the approaches I’ve interacted with my physique during my years and its transformation as I transition from being a young person to being a middle-aged person. I believe not I’ve valued my body, not deep down. I’ve valued it only for its functions and the objectives it fulfilled for me: seeking approval; escaping emotions; achieving a quicker 5km. Previously, I failed to grasp that my body is me, it embodies my life, instead of an instrument for achievements.

A great deal has been written over the centuries about the division involving physical and mental aspects – which you will be relieved to know, I’m not going to precis in this piece. What resonated most fascinating is the Freudian perspective that mind and body are developmentally integrated from the beginning, because physical maturation demands psychological development and vice versa. The newborn’s bodily experiences – such as the corporeal experience of hunger – drive consciousness to cultivate the skill to recognise hunger as a feeling that is alleviated by nourishment; and the psychological solace and fulfillment regularly delivered by meal after meal nourishes the infant’s psyche just as the food nourishes them bodily. So too psychological experiences – like the urge to stand up and reach for something, and the persistence to persist through effort – are the cause and means the body develops power. Since infancy, mind and body are interlinked in mutual development as integrated as DNA strands.

Yet It’s become clear, during therapy with my therapist, that my consciousness and physique can be in a distinct connection – one less integrated and somewhat abusive. My mind can use my body to retain and express aspects that my mind views unwanted or unacceptable. In analysis it emerged how there are certain emotions that I worry I cannot bear; instead of feeling these in my mind, I unintentionally shift them into my body, where they remain as corporeal issues.

I used to get this with indigestion – unrelated to what I’d eaten, but acted as a type of physical reflux of the harsher emotions I was unable to process in my mind. This was not a deliberate decision, but once it was raised to my attention in sessions, and my fear and sensitivity and frustration and panic became palpable and put into words instead of converted to physical sensation, it resolved. It’s uncommon for me with digestive issues now.

The toughest period I had this intense reflux, I didn’t sleep for several nights in a row. I felt I was forfeiting my mind. I visited a general practitioner, who organised all sorts of diagnostic procedures, but no issues were found physically wrong. The situation was an alternate medic who suggested that the cause might be mental. My psychoanalyst agreed. I was stunned, but I recognized it was correct.

If an individual endures a bodily issue, they can be offended at the suggestion that there might be a mental root. It can seem this as being disrespected, being told that their illness is imagined. And of course that does happen – some face their suffering discounted or wrongly assessed. Yet occasionally it’s possible that the bodily signs are real – no question – and the cause is psychological, the subconscious using the physical self to convey some pain or anger or whichever sentiment the conscious self is unable to bear. At times, it’s easy to think our emotions is only valid if manifested as bodily symptoms. We persistently neglect our minds personally, collectively and culturally; why else do we accept the appalling elimination of psychological therapies in public healthcare?

Life lessons have revealed that a better life cannot be built when we are stuck without realization in modes of connection, inside us and in relationships, that stem from disrespect, exploitation and exchange. These interactions are frequently more straightforward to identify “in the world” in wider society. It’s perhaps less comfortable to reflect on how they got out there, and to see these shapes inside us and in intimate connections, in the workings of our mental lives.

Yet it’s worth persevering. When I put my running shoes once more post a long hiatus, heading out without aiming for physical improvement, or to eliminate a sensation, or to surpass a 5km time, {it